Smile at suffering

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk writes these words that I found powerful, "Life is both dreadful and wonderful. How can I smile when I am filed with so much sorrow? It is natural-you need to smile to your sorrow because you are more than your sorrow."
That made me smile.

Dance with a limp

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over he loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It is like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly-that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." Anne Lamott

Dying to Know Bringing Death to Life

I recently came across a book that speaks of death and grief in a frank and refreshing way, Dying to Know Bringing Death to Life. Here are some quotes that jumped out at me.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I have learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, talking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." Gilda Radnaer

"Grief has no measure."

"Drive like a loved one is coming the other way. Someone's is"

"Ears are vey useful when a friend is grieving. You're not expected to have any answers. Just listen."

"If they are dying, they're about to lose everything: relationships, home, dignity, health, favorite books, sunday sleep-ins, beach holidays, wine, long walks, friends, going out to dinner, building bonfires, kisses, overseas trips, barbecued sausages, assets, reading bedtime stories, birthdays, all-time favorite album, children laughing, the smell of mown grass, breathing sea air, dodging rain showers, sunrises and sunsets, wind in the hair, coffee brewing, music and poetry. EVERYTHING. Expect them to be a bit grumpy from time to time."

Hints for Coping with Grief During the Holidays

Life is never the same after experiencing the death of a loved one and neither can the holidays. However, one can learn to cope with the holidays by:

*Acknowledging the holidays cannot be the same again

*Lowering expectations-the goal is to survive

*Anticipating that emotions will intensify

*Giving yourself permission to feel

*Expressing your feelings

*Planning ahead

*Being flexible, abandon the plan if it doesn't feel right

*Telling others what you need

*Take Care of yourslef

The Why of Suicide

Two teenagers in the Stillwater area died in a suicide pact this week. The questions will forever remain questions for their family and friends. Sometimes we can live into the answers to life's biggest questions, but the questions surfaced from the wake of a loved one's suicide continue to come crashing over one's life.
The whys are disturbing and abrasive, perplexing and confusing. The whys are an unwelcome guest that continues to knock at our door. The door must be opened. The questions must be asked even though the answers may not be found.
There is little comfort in the unanswered questions, but I do find hope in knowing that I am never alone in the asking. People have been asking the difficult questions of life for centuries. Whether one is a believer or not, the unanswerable questions are often addressed to God. I take comfort in knowing that God holds the questions for us. God is with us in the asking and in the waiting for answers.

Ann Weems in Psalms of Lament writes:

O God, explain to me the cruelty of your world!
Make sense of those who make no sense!
Tell me why the faithful are shunned,
and the self-righteous point their fingers!
Tell me why the wounded are wounded,
and sorrow falls on the the shoulder of sorrow!
Tell me why the abuse are abused,
and the victims victimized!
Tell me why the rains come to the drowning,
and aftershocks follow earthquakes.
O God, is this any way to run a world?
O Merciful One, let us rest between tragedies!

Speak to us for we are your people.
Speak to us of hope for the hopeless
and love for the unloved
and homes for the homeless
and dignity for the dying
and respect for the disdained.

Speak to us, O God,
of the Resurrected One!
Speak to us of hope,
for in spite of the tidal wave of tears,
we remember your story of new life!

Tell the world again,
O God of creation!
Tell us that winter will fade,
and spring will wash us anew,
and the world will green again,
and we will be new creations
in the garden of our God.
Free us from these tentacles of sorrow,
and we will fall on our faces,
and worship you,
O God of goodness,
O God of a new green world!

Learn to Dance with a Limp

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It is like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly-that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with a limp." Anne Lamott

The South Dakota Prairie

Grief is like the South Dakota prairie, endless.
Stretching in every direction, expansive.
A weather beaten abandoned house sits empty, lonely.
Cows seek shelter from the sun's brutal rays, exposed.
The Badlands, a baked rocky desert, relentless
The Black Hills, a refreshing reprieve.
Then the expansive, endless Wyoming prairie, grief returns.