Another year of grief

On Monday, January 11, it will be five years since my brother died.
A poem from Cathedrals of the Heart will mark my loss,and his
life.

NOTHING IS THE SAME

Nothing is the same.
Thoughts of heaven, eternity are heavy on my mind.
Dying is a new image
front and center,
very personal.

My equillibrium has come unglued.
when out of balance,
how do I stand?
where do I stand?
with whom do I stand?
where do I take refuge?

Thoughts take me everywhere and nowhere.
Flashbacks, dreams and visions exhaust me,
stir me, propel me.
New reality seems to emerge.
Worlds pass through my mouth before my brain.
I miss him so. Everything everywerhe seems empty.
Can anything be rational at this moment?

I wait for peace and balance.
It's a time to celebrate memories and mourn losses.
A time for emotion to settle.
A time to place one foot in front of the other,
step by step.
Emptiness is deep and dark.
Each day is a year.